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Četvrti dan – petak 18. 12.

Danas mi je meditacija više bila disciplina nego nešto drugo. Kao da se nisam mogao pomaknuti, kretati se. Bilo mi je teško i sabrati se, vraćao sam se osobnom molitvom. Molio sam Duha Svetoga za bliskost, da se mogu prilijepiti uza Nj. Da tako ostane. Osjetio sam neke zamke, lukavštine oko ovoga: da nije potrebno stalno se vraćati na ono što je u meditaciji. Kako je to nepotrebno. I onda se sjetim, kad to vidim, ipak je dobro biti u meditaciji, jer je ta reakcija, ta ponuda, dokaz da je meditacija, koliko bila ili ne bila teška, prava stvar. I čuo sam: Pitaj me bilo što, ja sam znanje, ja darujem darove. Opet nisam ništa napravio. Čuo sam to, složio se s time, ali kao da sam bio u blokadi. Molio sam i da se otklone, pomaknu sve barijere, vidljive i nevidljive, poznate i nepoznate, koje ne dopuštaju intenzivniju meditaciju. Pred kraj sam pomislio da se ura pokvarila, jer mi se činilo da je previše dugo ovih 20 minuta.

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